The Top 5 Valentine’s Day Games (For Singles)
February 14th, the day everyone cuddles up with their loved one after a hard day of eating chocolate, smelling roses and enjoying a romantic dining experience. It is the day those who hold someone dear celebrate their love; from something as tiny as a love letter, to something extravagant as a Wii U console. It is a beautiful day and it makes you appreciate those you care about.
Though not everyone has the luck of having somebody to love.
Some may actually find that this day of love brings them down in the dumps, the ‘Love-Dumps’. Well, never fear, those ‘Love-Dumps’ are about to disappear and you are going on a one-way trip, to Love City. Population: you.
We here at analogaddiction have gathered the best scientific minds (Myself) and experts within the romance-sciences (I searched on Google) together and compiled the Top 5 Valentine’s Day Games (For singles). So if you happen to be without a loved one this year – nobody there to give you a backrub or tell you are beautiful you are – then get out that DualShock, NunChuck or that Kinect system and as the great Whitney Housten said, “I wanna Kinect, with somebody”.
1. Mario Anything
Have you ever been on the bad side of love? Have you been the good guy who sits back and holds his tongue while cocky jock gets the girl? If so, why not spend the day fighting for your team. Bowser is basically the typical jock at school; he bullies everyone by sending his minions to do his dirty work and somehow always gets the girl.
But no matter how many times Peach falls for it, she goes back. Treat them mean, keep them keen – they say and Bowser is the master of keen. Mario works tirelessly to show Peach he is worthy time after time and ultimately is left parked in the friend zone and at home with his less attractive brother, and a green dinosaur.
Playing as Mario on a day like today will allow many to play a mirror image of them, but the best part is you get to collect golden coins and enter as many pipes as you like, wait…That came out wrong.
2. Gears of War Series
I personally think the love between a man and a woman is overrated. Think about it, it is so last decade. The real love these days comes from your bros – bro-love is da bomb.
Playing through the Gears franchise you will experience love on a whole new level; Baird and Marcus shamelessly flirting, Cole presenting some of the sweetest one-liners in history, and more. The entire cast showcases a certain level of love that a man and woman could only dream of having.
Not only that but cutting through locust hordes with your fellow man brings out a special kind of testosterone. Maybe, if you’re lucky, you can invite one of your fellow ‘single-gamers’ for a night of bro-love, no homo.
3. Call of Duty Series
Are you lacking that sweet talk that many couples provide each other on a day like today? Are you missing out on that dirty talk that might get you extra frisky? Well all you need is one Ethernet cord and your mind will be blown into submission.
Call of Duty not only offers some fun, fast paced gameplay, but it will make you completely forget about love. Who needs Cupid and his arrows when you have online multiplayer and a SAM turret. But it also offers some of the sexiest free chat services known to man. It doesn’t matter what lobby you enter, your ears will be taken to heaven…Twice.
With some sexy catchphrases like:
“Go suck a (Yoshi)”
“You’re Mum wasn’t disappointed when I (Shepard)ed her last night”
“You are a massive (Wal-Luigi)”
“That’s not what your (Master chief) said last night”
…And my personal favourite, “Bend over and show me your (Sack Boy) while I (Kratos) your (Gladdos)”
These catchphrases are so sexy, I cannot even consider showing you them in this post, so they have been slightly filtered for the young-ones out there. But if you thought that was it, you were wrong.
You will be tea-bagged.
4. Uncharted Series
Now be you male, female or unknown, everyone can appreciate a sexy individual. It is nice to be superficial every once and awhile, so sit back and enjoy the sight of a gorgeous human being. So, that leads us here, to Uncharted territory (Indeed).
Uncharted offers an absolute gold mind of pure sexification, enough to make Justin Timberlake himself swoon. If you have a thing for older men? Sully is right up your alley (and other places). Like the sassy brunette with a little bit of a bad boy attitude? Chloe will satisfy (in many ways). Enjoy the young, confident handsome type? Well, Nathan Drake will tickle your fancy (he’ll find all of your ticklish spots). And of course the sexist of them all, Charlie Cutter. He is as close to Jason Statham as we will ever get and for that every male and female can appreciate Naughty Dog’s dedication to fulfilling fantasies.
So on Valentine’s Day 2013, light some candles, dim the lights and play Uncharted…Love, finds a way.
5. Tiger Woods PGA Tour
Tiger Woods is known for his hole-in-one abilities, his extremely talented drives and of course his impeccable short game. Take a big swing with your Three Wood, watch as your balls majestically fly through the air while your grip the shaft of your stick.
This game has nothing to do with love at all – golf is just a classic sport to help get your mind off the romance in the air.
Max Payne 3
Trying to avoid the festivities of Valentine’s Day is one thing, but finding one of your buddies who also suffers from the single-bug to drink with on a day like today, well that’s tough. So instead of hearing your friends giggling with their significant other when you ring them to hang out, why not just pop our good friend Max Payne into the disc-drive.
Not only will you be in presence of one of the greatest cops to ever live, but you will have the ultimate drinking buddy who isn’t scared to drink you under the table. Sure, Max can be a loose end and tends to take things a little too far. But what are friends for? He will keep the drinks coming and before you know, slow-motion diving may actually work in real-world*
*At this point, stop drinking and go outside.
Well folks I hope we have done some good today. We helped some single gamers out and had an extremely satisfying time doing so. I don’t know about you, but writing this has made me want to make the rest of my Valentine’s Day, really live for the moment.
If anyone wants me I will be playing Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball…one handed.
Posted on February 14, 2013, in Features, PS3, WiiU, Xbox360 and tagged Comedy, features, gaming, Kratos, Love, Mario, Romance, Single, Tiger Woods, Valentines Day. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.