In a world full of fantastic games spanning from many systems, there are always games that are just complete disasters. These disasters aren’t always properly labeled or in fact sometimes games you anticipate. Most of the time though, they are games you have never heard of and don’t even know how they stumbled upon your collection.
Classic disasters like Superman 64, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are games you probably aren’t going to buy. The only way you would EVER get them is if: A) They were free or B) They were gift and you were a young kid who didn’t know the meaning of receipt and returning was.
I’ve played plenty of bad games and a bad game is a BAD GAME. To clarify, most bad games are things you can’t even finish, you have to just drop them because they are just AWFUL; but occasionally a game can be fool’s gold. A fool’s gold game is a game that looks or starts off good, but the ending is so bad, it makes you realize just how horrible the game truly is. Before I name my worst game of all time, let’s look at some games I just find disgustingly awful.
- Final Fantasy XIII- Did you ever want a game where the story makes little to no sense, the characters are awful, and gameplay….well you could teach your dog or a monkey how to play this game while you drink a milkshake? Look no further than FFXIII. From L’Cie to Fal’Cie, to Lightning, to Hope, to holding forward and pressing auto-battle this snooze fest has garnered two more entries, due to FF first-timers and all the girls who find Lightning a strong-female lead.
- Okami- Ever wanted to play as a God-like wolf wreck monsters ravaging a village? Sounds cool right? Well let’s not forget you can only attack with your paintbrush, then let’s throw in the amount of text of a Harry Potter book, the only problem is the story isn’t as interesting. Besides its awkward brush motions that never work, Okami is a boring game, that gets unfavorable comparisons to a Legend of Zelda game when it is nowhere near its caliber of play or style. If you wanted to just play completely boring and mandatory minigames while doing your adventure and deal with the longest of load times then Okami is your game.
- Sonic the Hedgehog 2006- I really don’t have to say much but let’s take the Speed out of Sonic!
- Captain America and the Avengers! (SNES)- Back in the early 16-bit 1990’s side-scrolling beat’em ups were a popular part of arcades and were being ported to home systems. While we did have fantastic entries like TMNT IV: Turtles in Time and Battletoads, etc. we did get this awful game game. Not only is the voice acting hilarious, but the fighting in general is just awful and this game is a complete joke.
Finally the game you’ve all been waiting for me to announce: Pacman 2: The New Adventures of Pacman.
I’ve had this game for as long as I can remember and I still don’t know why I purposely put this game on my SNES when I have classics like Donkey Kong Country 2 and Super Mario World. Pacman 2 is…I don’t even know how to explain it. You don’t play as Pacman, you play as yourself..in a sense and you control a Slingshot to “guide” Pacman. The game still has the ghosts Blinky and Co. but the real laugher..or stinker…is just trying to get Pacman to do the RIGHT THING.
You use your slingshot or the D-pad to make Pacman “Look” and he either will NOT LOOK or go in the complete other direction. Thus the point of you controlling Pacman’s actions are near impossible and pointless. It’s more like the Pacman AI has its own mind and does whatever he wants but wouldn’t mind the occasional clue from you the player. But, like the great game this is the Pacman AI will just continue doing what he wants, while occasionally PRETENDING to realize where the right area to go is. If youi are getting annoyed at Pacman, like you should, and start shooting shots from your slingshot at him; this will only cause him to get angry, in which turn he can do something dumb and get you a game over (like annoy a cat and die from the scratches).
I don’t know who’s sick joke this was to develop this game or why Pacman is a complete asshole who doesn’t like to play his own game, but I recommend you stay away from this game big time. While it is a hilarious game to make fun of with your friends, the problem is you have to suffer first to enjoy the laughs with others. Second problem, almost no one has played this game so your jokes are kept to yourself.
Michael Troina writes features and reviews Nintendo games for Analog Addiciton. When he’s not writing or playing games or sports, he’s out at his job at the Daily Bugle taking pictures as the web-slinger we all have come to love…either that or he’s getting sandwich saving one world at a time. Find him anywhere with this flavors.me/michaeltroina