After enjoying South Park: The Stick of Truth immensely, with it getting a 9/10 in my review, I was left a bit disappointed that some really funny characters didn’t get to play a big part in the game (besides Randy). It definitely makes sense though, because it allows them to use some of these characters in future DLC packages to keep it a bit fresher and allow different approaches to the story. For some reason I have a suspicion the South Park Mall will have a big part to play in the next story, considering it was completely closed off before, during and after certain events. With these six characters below, I reckon they could make quite a good combination of funny, shocking and outrageous scenes.
The walking-talking RG-400 Smart Towel has been used sparingly since he was revealed in the Fifth season. In South Park: The Stick of Truth you only see him in the loading screens, which was really disappointing. His common traits mostly consist of towel-related advice, or getting high. He is a character that Trey Parker and Matt Stone decided to create in relationto the over-marketing of other characters, but surprisingly ended up as one of the most known characters. His laid-back style, constant smoking and high pitched voice could set up really well for the next DLC, especially in a mall. Towelie could easily combine well with the fourth graders to create some hilarious scenes with them.
“Wanna get high?”
Sergeant Harrison Yates
I don’t know why this guy isn’t used more, he is absolutely hilarious. It was a tough call between Yates and Officer Barbrady, but Yates managed to just sneak ahead. Whether it is his corruption, incompetency or just his personality, he could definitely have a big role to play. His best episode was in “Cartman’s Incredible Gift”, in which a serial killer loomed over South Park. He then begins to utilise Cartman to aid in the investigation due to his “psychic powers”, but ends up killing innocents simply because of Cartman’s vision.
His obliviousness to the obvious, determination to solve a crime and outright stupidity could all combine well for some juicy missions. You see him in the game in the police station, however he doesn’t really do anything unfortunately. Whether it be he tries to take over the mall over the others, or simply to defend it, there is definitely some potential.
Satan & Saddam Hussein
I originally decided on Satan but realised you can’t really have one without the other. Saddam is the perfect example of Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s persistence with mocking real life figures, in which he is depicted with a high pitched voice, is homosexual, acts Canadian and is the dominator over Satan. He is the complete opposite of what you would associate with Saddam Hussein. Then there is Satan, the sensitive and emotionally vulnerable Satan who was dating Saddam Hussein in South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut. He is a character who while terrible to people, can also be a good guy that is simply doing his job.
These two could combine really well in a game, as Saddam constantly tries to seduce Satan back into a relationship. Since Saddam was banished to the Mormon populated Heaven, it could create a good battle between to two in an attempt to gain control over the Mall.
“Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes.“
Santa is arguably one of the greatest fighters South Park has ever seen. He has fought off battles against the Iraqi’s, the Christmas Critters and fought valiantly in “ImaginationLand Episode 3” (forget that he died the first time). He also has had a rocky relationship with Jesus in attempts to protect what he sees is the true meaning of Christmas.
He is a character who just seems to always draw violence despite his intended good nature, but wherever he goes, death follows. He could definitely have a big impact in the next DLC considering he wasn’t even used despite his rare appearance. Everyone loves seeing a good Santa fight.
“Interrogator: You’re going to tell me what I want, my main man.
Santa Claus: Then we’re in for a long night, ‘cos I don’t know shit!”
The Woodland Christmas Critters
Evil comes in the most surprising places in South Park, and these critters are the definition of evil. They might seem all soft, cuddly and friendly by looking at them, but don’t ever piss them off or their Dark Lord. Not much really suprises me in South Park after all these years, but these guys really are pure evil.
You don’t really expect to see these cuddly creatures rip out someones eye, pee in their eye socket and then have a blood orgy, but it is exactly the sort of thing they do. They worship the Anti-Christ as their true leader and always have great shock value with whatever they do. It could add to an already crazy battle with these guys involved, with no other character harbouring such evil.
Yes Randy did occur throughout the game quite a bit, but he is a character that deserves to be on the screen as much as the fourth graders. In my eyes, he is easily the funniest character with his good-willed nature despite it always ending up bad. He is the embodiment of mid-life crisis, which always lead to something completely crazy and hilarious.
I really would like to see a lot more of him in the next DLC, especially considering I didn’t get to participate in certain banned sequences because of classification guidelines. He could play a similar part with what he did in South Park: The Stick of Truth but with a bit more influence. Watching him kick Mr Mackay in the face after teaching my character the Sneaky Squeaker was probably one of the funniest moments in the game.
“Winter’s coming Sharon, and I’m a busy little bee. Buzz! Buzz!”
Do you agree with my choices? Or would you perhaps go with a few different characters? Let us know in the comments below!